● Global Warming (verb) An act whereby the successful are punished for being successful.
ex: When the white boy won the race by 1.7 seconds faster than his culturally diverse opponent, the gym teacher global warmed him an extra two seconds to keep things fair.
● Racist (noun) The victim of a political witch hunt.
ex: If you disagree with the President, you are a racist.
● Movie (noun) One of a handful stories told by the Greeks and then transferred to film, repeatedly.
ex: I think I have seen this movie before, but I can't tell because of all the cool special effects.
● Freemason (noun) A society, known for its bizarre rituals, that is indirectly responsible for every ill known to mankind.
ex: When you became a Freemason, did you unstabilize the global economy before or after you were raped by several old men wearing black robes and drinking blood out of a skull?
● Children (noun) A machine that takes approximately 18 years to build but can be used for free or cheap labor after their fifth birthday.
ex: Take those children over to the packing plant, we need some orders filled before midnight.
● Wiki (noun) A public opinion poll where voters are asked to cast their votes in the form of long winded text under the guise of being informative.
ex: Judging by this wiki page on Chris chan, he must be a very bright and well turned out fellow.
● Sasquatch (noun) A person who has the slightest amount of hair below the neckline.
ex: Did you see that Sasquatch at the pool today? I think I could see five o'clock shadow in her armpits.
● Cigarette (noun) A small pleasure giving device that is also a ticket for the cancer lottery.
ex: He had fifty cigarettes a day for his whole life and died at 90 of liver failure.
(verb) The act of angering, by toxic fumes, every other person in the bar.
ex: Buffy, I swear to God, if he cigarettes up on the dance floor, I am totally not giving him a blow job.
● Abuse (verb) The act, often physical but sometimes mental, of getting your way every time.
ex: Since he got bad grades, mother abused Billy until his grades improved.
● Fellate (verb) An act, always physical, whereby a female gets her way every time.
ex: Since he got bad grades, mother fellated Billy's teachers until his grades improved.
● The Internet (noun) A massive collection of convicted pedophiles and sex offenders who, inexplicably, are still virgins.
ex: The Internet always makes me laugh as it is such a paradox.
● Pretzel (noun) A weapon of mass destruction.
ex: Be careful with those pretzels, Eugene. Somebody could get hurt.
● Fettucini Alfredo (noun) An expensive form of (or synonym of) macaroni and cheese.
ex: Go warm this Fettucini Alfredo up in the microwave, Becky, the sauce is runny and cold.
● Healthcare (noun) A free system used to create extremely long waiting lines.
ex: If it weren't for this Healthcare, we would have to pay to be late to the party at uncle Bob's ranch!
● Cashier (noun) A person whose job it is to stand around wishing they were someplace else while also annoying you beyond all reasonable levels of sanity.
ex: This cashier won't refund my purchase because she is too busy texting her bff on her cellphone.
● Waiter (noun) A person whose job is to hover over you as you eat. Often they ask you questions just as you have put food into your mouth.
ex: The waiter filled my water glass, took my order, and then disappeared for six hours.
● Teller (noun) An employee whose only job is to inform you that your account is overdrawn.
ex: Since my debit card won't work, I should probably consult a teller.
● Liberal (noun) A person who believes that a fairy with a magic wand can cure the world's ills out of thin air.
ex: Hey, look at that liberal over there, isn't he planting gumdrop trees next to that rainbow pond where the Butterfly Nymphs water their winged unicorns?
● Conservative (noun) A jackbooted and grim enemy of all light, life, and love. Often seen carrying a sword that doubles as a crucifix.
ex: When that conservative guy, Jenkins, enters the room, I swear the temperature drops 30 degrees and the lights dim just a little.
● Music (noun) The intellectual property of someone else which you have on your hard drive.
ex: Teddy always has the best music to listen too, I wonder where he gets it?
● Beer (noun) A tool, used alone or in conjunction with other mood altering chemicals, by which young men remove the clothes of young women.
ex: Sandy, I had so much beer last night, I cannot remember what happened!
● Pistol (noun) An implement used to cause assisted suicide.
ex: Brady pointed his pistol at Robert, the highway patrol officer.
● Gullible (noun) A word that is repeatedly removed and then replaced in most dictionaries.
ex: Did you know they took gullible out of the dictionary? What? They put it back in? I had better go check.
● Couch (noun) Where a man sleeps after he has had a mid-life crisis.
ex: After Wanda slammed the bedroom door in his face, Reginald prepared the couch by covering it with a sheet. It was going to be a long, cold, and lonely night.
● Basement (noun) The place where everybody on the internet lives.
ex: Stanley, do you even have any windows in this basement? Oh, I see, you have them covered up with anime posters.
● Emissions (noun) A rough analog of Satan in the new government imposed global religion.
ex: I have sacrificed a goat in order to keep emissions low.
Who hasn’t heard of John Cazale? Well, just about everybody. They haven’t heard of the guy, but they sure do know his roles and the creepy intensity he goes about acting them.
John, while only active for a brief 6 years in Hollywood, has given us some of the most memorable characters of all time. He starred in 5 feature films during those short years and all five of those films were nominated for Best Picture by the Motion Picture Academy—a very special and unique achievement held only by Cazale.
Cazale was known for playing weak, sickly characters who were emotionally vulnerable, but were also capable of causing great damage to those around him. He is most known for his character Fredo Corleone in the classic films Godfather I and Godfather II, but his greatest role was perhaps his portrayal of the quietly menacing Sal in Sidney Lumet’s Dog Day Afternoon. Set against Pacino’s violent and flamboyant Sonny, Cazale is a threatening and sternly intimidating presence who, despite his general lack of intelligence, will chill you to the bone. In one scene, Sonny asks Sal what country he wishes to go to, which Sal (in an ad-lib by Cazale) replies “Wyoming.” The utter hopelessness, violence, and desperation of the whole movie is summed up in that one word reply, and Cazale delivers it with such idiotic sympathy, the viewer cannot decide whether to laugh or be frightened.
The following films, while being “must see” for any true movie fan, are also John Cazale’s brief resume, as he died of bone cancer in 1978:
* The Godfather
* The Conversation (opposite Gene Hackman)
* The Godfather: Part II
* Dog Day Afternoon
* The Deer Hunter (opposite Robert De Niro)
* He was also shown briefly in The Godfather: Part III in archival footage.
You know who Donald Gibb is. He has appeared in everything from cheesy fluff shows like “Boy Meets World” and “Quantum Leap” and he has played in such Hollywood large-production behemoths as “Hancock” and “U.S. Marshalls.” He is usually cast as a character with such names as “Wolfman,” “Ripper,” or, most famously…”Ogre.”
Donald is one of the alumnus of that comedy classic “Revenge of the Nerds” along with other such acting talents as Robert Carradine, Anthony Edwards, Curtis Armstrong, and James Cromwell—all of whom could be called the “best of the best” when it comes to character actors. Because of his popularity in that film, he has been able to parley Ogre’s success into a durable career that has encompassed three decades of both film and television work.
Donald was originally a professional football player for the San Diego Chargers when he took a step sideways and tried his skills at acting. Because he has a very certain “look” about him, being 6’4” and burly, early in his career he was cast as thugs, rednecks, athletes, and barbarian type characters. Little has changed in that respect, as Donald’s size (both on and off screen) have not diminished. However, later in his career, he has branched out away from the tough-guy roles he is famous for and has attempted lighter, more dramatic parts like soap operas. Of course, this has backfired on him and he was eventually written to be a heavy.
Like most character actors, he has appeared on just about every major television show of his day, and with Donald, the appearances are too numerous to count, however he has appeared on the following television hits:
* Alice
* The A-Team
* Magnum PI
* Knight Rider
* The Facts of Life
* Night Court
* Macgyver
* Quantum Leap
* The Young and the Restless
And some movies you may wish to check out, if not just to see Donald acting like a husky biker-type, but just because the movies are good:
* Conan the Barbarian
* Any Which Way You Can
* Transylvania 6-5000
* Revenge of the Nerds I, II, and IV
* Bloodsport I and II
* U.S. Marshalls
* 8 of Diamonds
* Hancock
