Hollywood Thinks
- Everybody uses Macintosh computers.
- Fire axes exist.
- People with part time jobs can afford that apartment.
- Dads are stupid, mean, lazy, brutal...etc.
- People with big families are either loons or very religious or both. They are also the source for scorn and sit-coms.
- Depending on your ethnicity, grandma and grandpa’s house is always in the country/Florida/a ghetto tenement building.
- Men who can build a rocket ship, drive a locomotive, or run a multi-billion dollar company cannot operate a clothes washing machine, stove, or microwave oven.
- Children are always smarter than their parents are.
- Writers make money.
- It is cute and endearing when a child is a complete smartass.
- All families are dysfunctional.
- While driving, a steering wheel must be adjusted at all times. A car never drives straight.
- When grocery shopping, somebody always gets a baguette and it will always stick out of the top of their grocery bag.
- When dealing with a time bomb, 30 seconds often really means “four minutes.”
- Offices are either a drab plateau dotted with beige cubicles or they are wild crazy places that resemble playgrounds and are decorated with “thinking toys.”
- Everybody is great at sex, especially the first time with a new partner.
- Locks are incredibly easy to pick.
- When trying to meet a girl, men often display felony level stalking. That is okay though, because they did it for love.
- Ugly or overweight men have no trouble finding hot, successful women because they are always funny.
- Everybody answers the telephone by saying “Yeah?”
- Serial killers (this includes monsters, demons, and ghosts) have a “thing” for teenagers having sex or drinking beer with their friends.
- Guns, most especially automatic weapons, never need to be reloaded.
- Make-up never needs to be reapplied.
- There are bathrooms everywhere, but nobody ever uses them. Unless there is a shootout.
- Jewish mothers make you eat or they are overbearing, neurotic and obnoxious.
- If you need to show an interior shot at night, it is best to bathe the room in blue light. When using night vision equipment, bathe the room in green.
- It is possible to outrun a fireball or an explosion.
- Old people are good-natured and have a wise outlook on life. They often share this insight with children who have ignored them for years or have openly been abusive.
